The Resignation

Ever since I was little I knew I couldn’t wait to be a mommy. Early on I also knew that I wanted to be a stay at home mom just like mine was. I loved having my mom at home for me. I also loved that she was able to come on our field trips and help out at our school whenever it was needed. I truly thought it was so special and I wanted to do the same for my kiddos one day. As you know, the day finally came. I am a mommy! With that came the time to resign from the best job I have ever had. I honestly don’t even look at it as a “job.” It was much harder than ever anticipated. Not only was it my dream job, but all of my friends work there. At my school we truly are one big family and I think it was the best school to work for. I can only hope to return there one day. As hard as it was, I was so happy to move on to this next chapter of mommy-hood. Yesterday I had my very first break down about quitting. Baby and I had our roughest day yet. She was having a very…angry afternoon to say the least. It resulted in both of us crying until Daddy came home to give us both a break. I then closed myself in my office and just cried. Cried over the fact that I gave up my dream job and probably made one of the biggest mistakes by doing so. I was drowning in the thought that I will never get a “break” from this new life like my husband gets to do when he is at work. Then I immediately felt so guilty for thinking that I needed a break. Let me tell ya, parenting is hard. I know it’s a cliché saying that it is the hardest thing you will ever do but it really is. Your patience is put to the ultimate test. I thought I would be fine because before having a baby, I thought nothing could test your patience more than a classroom full of five year olds yelling and not paying attention to anything you say. I was obviously very wrong. After sleeping on these horrible thoughts, I woke up feeling better. It’s a new day. Before Lacey woke up I was able to lay in bed and think about yesterday. I also just hoped that today would be a better one. I know it will be because truthfully she is a great baby. She is totally allowed to have a rotten afternoon because we all do at some point or another, right? I also told myself that I can’t let my decision to quit put me in a worse mood. After thinking about all this for a bit, it happened… Lacey stirred and I turned to her and she gave me the biggest smile. It was then that my heart absolutely melted and I realized I didn’t make a mistake of quitting.  I wouldn’t want to miss any of these moments. Yes, some moments might be hard but the rest of it is totally worth it. I wont have to rely on others telling me which milestones or cute things she did throughout the day. I will get to witness them myself and it will be amazing. I will return to teaching one day and it will be great. What will be greater is going back with all these amazing memories of the days Lacey and I had together learning and loving each other before she goes to school and starts showing the world what she is made of.  Truth be told, as much as I loved teaching, there were things that came along with it that made me think “I can’t wait to not have to deal with this anymore.” Before yesterday my plan for this post was to list the things that I am happy to leave behind with my resignation. I guess I will have to save that for another time. For now, my cutie is waking up from her morning nap and I have to go cuddle with her and thank my lucky stars for the opportunity to be able to do so.